DOING LOVE DIFFERENTLY:
B-R-E-A-K THE CYCLE OF SELF BETRAYAL, LEARN TO TRUST YOURSELF AGAIN, AND ATTRACT GREAT LOVE INTO YOUR LIFE
I'll tell you! In my conversations with individuals about love, especially women, one word has come up over and over again: HOPE. I hope it happens for me, one day. I hope things change. I hope I meet Mr. Right. Suzette, your story makes me hope again. Hope.
I'm going to make a pretty radical request. I want you to turn off hope. I want you to turn off hoping that you'll meet Mr. Right, hoping that your Boaz will find you, hoping God will send a God-man and hoping to experience true love one day. I want you to turn it off, unplug it, put it in the closet and lock the door.
Hope is one of the laziest and overused words in the single woman's dating lexicon. Hope requires nothing of you and does nothing for you. In fact, hope wants to get paid for doing absolutely nothing. And hope makes promises that it doesn't keep.
Instead, I want you to turn on DOING. Doing does what hope never will. It works on your behalf.
Now that hope is locked in the closet, let's give DOING an assignment.
"If you do what you always do, you'll have what you always have." I didn't want the copyright police to come after me so I Googled who first said. Jesse Potter wrote these famous words back in 1981. The litmus test is 38 years later these words are just as true.
That's the reason why you've got to DO LOVE DIFFERENTLY. In order to do love differently, however, you have to do 3 things:
Websters and Dictionary.com have their definitions of what VOICE, VALUE AND VISION mean, but I have my own:
It's YOU expressed in words. Your essence. Your verge. Your dash. Your way of looking at things. Your way of being in the world. Silencing not only erases your voice. It erases you.
It's YOU expressed in currency. It's what it costs to access you. While worth is what someone is willing to pay, the value you put on yourself is yours alone.
It's YOU recognized. And it's You recognizing what's yours. It's both the dreamer and the dream. It's bigger than you! It might be quiet for a while, but it's going to woo you again.
You see, I tried to shake it. I tried to adopt the advice and opinions of those around me. I tried to lose myself in God so my God-man could find me. I tried to put cute clothes on and go the club, saying to the world that was single and ready to mingle. I tried to adopt the vibe of the dating world and behave as if I didn't want what I so desperately wanted. I tried. But when I'd come home to a lonely apartment and rest my head on my pillow, tears would stream down my face.
"I hate being single," I whispered. "Stop trying," whispered back.
I'm going to ask you to do something else pretty radical. You ready? I want you to stop trying to "act" single when you know that you don't want to be.
RADICAL REQUEST #1
TURN OFF HOPE, UNPLUG IT, PUT IT IN THE CLOSET AND LOCK THE DOOR
RADICAL REQUEST #2
STOP TRYING TO "ACT" SINGLE WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
There's a saying. "If you do what you always do, you'll have what you've always had." I didn't want the copyright police to come after me so I Googled who first said it. They traced it back to Jesse Potter, 1981. That's good enough for me.
If any limiting belief, ideology, disconnect or story has kept your from what your heart desires, you've got to do something different. This includes someone else's idea of what "being single" is for you. You've got to disconnect, disavow, distance and all the other disses from it. I call it removing the L.I.D.S.
That's the reason why you've got to DO LOVE DIFFERENTLY. Otherwise, these conditioned responses will sabotage your efforts.
Now to the crux of the matter. How do you stop the cycle of self betrayal, learn to trust yourself again and attract love into your life?
YOU HAVE TO:
- Identify where the self betrayal happened. I don't want you to go to the familiar it's his fault blah blah blah. Rather, I want you to turn that search light on yourself. Where did YOU betray yourself?
- Look at missed trust. Look back at the opportunities missed to trust yourself.
- Retrain what you're attracted to. If you were conditioned to be attracted to Mr. Wrong, you can be conditioned not to be.